Author Topic: Garden funnies (Read 37518 times)

bossgard · « **Reply #100 on:** October 03, 2008, 03:40:39 AM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #71

PARASITE: Anything in the garden that derives sustenance or energy from its host while providing nothing useful in return. Typical examples of parasitism include rechargeable electric grass clippers, small tractors, and melon plants. ? H.B. & R.McK.

3fren · « **Reply #101 on:** October 04, 2008, 02:24:29 PM »

Very interesting start indeed !

One question for you BOss,

Is Ficus an annual or a perennial ? It doesn't bloom but it fruits throughout the year.

Cheers
jessie of Singapore

bossgard · « **Reply #102 on:** October 06, 2008, 04:30:35 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #72

NODE: Portion of anatomy of hay fever sufferers most acutely affected by pollen in the atmosphere. ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #103 on:** October 07, 2008, 03:48:43 AM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #73

VIBURNUM: P.T. Viburnum, master flower showman. Highlights of his spectacular botanical extravaganzas included William Ward Hitchcock III?s Wild Flowers of the West Show with ?authentic specimens of grasses and blossoms obtained from the O.K. Corral?; Gertrude Oakley Foster, who arranged flowers on horseback; and a sideshow featuring a collection of malformed squashes. ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #104 on:** October 08, 2008, 04:02:11 AM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #74

SHORTEST-LIVED-TREE: The oldest trees ? a giant redwood (about 4,000 years) and a bristlecone pine (over 7,000) ? are well enough known, but the specimen with the briefest life span deserves wider notoriety. The generally accepted record for a transplanted tree is held by 22-foot, $1,400 copper beach purchased in 1961 from a nursery in Delaware by Mr. W. E. Legett. Thriving in its compact root ball when delivered, it died in an incredible four days, beating the previous record established by a magnolia in Kentucky by almost a full week.-- H.B & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #105 on:** October 09, 2008, 03:39:56 AM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #75

GRUB: 1. Beetle larva. 2. Your lawn, from a hungry beetle larva?s point of view. -- H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #106 on:** October 10, 2008, 03:00:58 AM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #76

HONESTY: Very attractive traditional plant with sweet-smelling purple-and-white flowers and papery seedpods. Some new varieties of this garden favorite are now available, including ?Deniability,? ?Point-in-Time,? ?Best Recollections,? and ?Limited Immunity.? ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #107 on:** October 13, 2008, 05:25:41 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #77

NASTURTIUM: Ancient Roman nose-bath sometimes used as an ornament in modern gardens. Similar to a birdbath, it consists of a heavy stone lid ? the ?septum? ? in the center of which is the inhaling gate, or ?sinusarium,? a nose-size aperture that provides access to the ?nostrilarium? itself, a deep water-filled bowl that traditionally contains watercress. ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #108 on:** October 14, 2008, 03:25:36 AM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #78

COLD-FRAME: Elaborate display case for showing off a gardener?s collection of freeze-dried specimens. ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #109 on:** October 21, 2008, 04:45:33 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #79

IRIS: Handsome, early-blooming perennial flower. Nowhere in botany are the remarkable genetic improvements of the last quarter-century more visible than among the irises. Most of the effort has gone into dramatically increasing the plant?s size. With these developments comes, of course, the requirement for the modern gardener to equip himself with the new tools and accessories necessary for their cultivation and display. For example, to grow the leviathan iris (I. Godzilla) with its huge, shade-producing blossoms and stately green trunk, the home gardener will want a bulb winch, a stem ax, a 500-liter blossom tub, and-- if he can afford it--one of those sporty gas-powered flower transporters. (A hard hat is also advisable?the petals on this hefty beauty weigh 20 pounds a piece!) -- H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #110 on:** October 23, 2008, 05:10:37 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITIONS #80 & #81

FAUNA: Grounds keeper?s term for individual not from the U.S.

FERN: What faunas are. ? H.B. & R. McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #111 on:** October 28, 2008, 05:30:56 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #82

SEED: Costly, but highly nutritious form of bird food sold in handsome packets printed with colorful pictures of flowers and vegetables. ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #112 on:** October 28, 2008, 05:50:33 PM »

Thought that these might give somebody a cause to chuckle a bit!

One of the sources of garden products that I use quite often, just sent me their Holiday Gift Catalog. Among their many offerings were these garden markers, all well made and available in sets. The first set could be used for that category we all have a time or two, that of the unknown NAME OF THE PLANT:

There are four of them ?

?Plantus Unknownus?
?Weedis Victorius?
?Gardenitis Uncontrollius?
?Twigga Mortis?

The second set of three, for those who might need an explanation of WHY YOU PLANTED THE PLANT in the first place ?

?Grow Dammit!?
?I Don?t Remember Planting This?
?This is Your Last Chance, Bloom!?

- Toby

bossgard · « **Reply #113 on:** October 30, 2008, 03:46:58 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #83

BROCHURES and CATALOGS: Forms of entertaining fiction published by nurseries, seeds-men, and tool manufacturers. ? H.B. & R.McK.

ideasguy · « **Reply #114 on:** October 30, 2008, 04:32:11 PM »

Good one Toby.

I liked the labels one (28th Oct)
I had a chuckle indeed! The second set of three would give visitors a laugh. Ive more than a few plants I could hang the last two on.

You were missing for a few days (23 to 28th). Were you off hiking?

bossgard · « **Reply #115 on:** October 31, 2008, 05:51:22 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #84

ROTO-TILLER: Cultivating machine based on the principle of the raccoon. ? H.B. & R.McK.

(George: No not off hiking, working outdoors, winterizing, when I could. We're now getting into a rain pattern for the weekend, but do have a return to Kubota Gardens planned for Sunday morning. It is Japanese Maple (Acers) time here, all showing their beautiful leaf colors, there are quite a few at Kubota, so we will hope that it is dry enough to take some photos. I wish they were labeled, we will work on that. - Toby)

ideasguy · « **Reply #116 on:** November 01, 2008, 09:30:20 AM »

Hope the weather is favourable for your day at Kubota, Toby. Thats a place I'd love to visit, especially at this time of year. Its very well known worldwide and the autumn colours will be spectacular.
Make sure you have those camera batteries charged and dont do any daredevil things to get good photos!!
Looking forward to hearing your report on your safe return

bossgard · « **Reply #117 on:** November 04, 2008, 05:05:17 PM »

DAFFY DEFITION #85

FENCE: Wire barrier erected to protect garden produce against animal pests that lack wings, paws, teeth, or brains, and cannot leap, tunnel, climb, or fly. ? H.B. & R.McK.

(Got rained out at Kubota Gardens last Sunday. I'm sure there will be another time soon, but the Acers have lost their leaves. Iit has been raining quite hard, with some gusts of winds. Weather outlook is wet for the next 5 days, at least. - Toby)

bossgard · « **Reply #118 on:** November 05, 2008, 04:58:15 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #86

ROSE: There are thousands of hybrids of this beautiful and fragrant flower, but the most common type found in gardens is a specimen with a tight, 6-inch cluster of short, thick, brownish stems with large thorns, bearing a single shiny metal tag about 1-1/2 inches in diameter. ? H.B. & R.McK.

ideasguy · « **Reply #119 on:** November 05, 2008, 07:38:16 PM »

Hi there Toby:
RE:

Quote

Got rained out at Kubota Gardens last Sunday. I'm sure there will be another time soon, but the Acers have lost their leaves.

That was a big disappointment, I'm sure. Very early for all the leaves to have gone.
I hope you had the gear to cope with the rain. Did you continue with your hike?

bossgard · « **Reply #120 on:** November 06, 2008, 06:36:40 PM »

DAFFY DEFINTION #87

WHEELBARROW: Mobile birdbath. ? H.B. & R.McK.

bossgard · « **Reply #121 on:** November 07, 2008, 04:52:32 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITIONS #88

CHRISTMAS TREE: Any well-shaped evergreen 5 to 7 feet in height situated on public land or in a remote area of private land that can be transferred from its habitat to the roof of an automobile in less than 10 minutes. ? H.B. & R. McK.

(George, I forgot to answer you regarding the Kubota Gardens hike we had planned for last Sunday, and got rained out. No, we did not continue the hike. We were going to go into a newly developed shopping mall near by, and do a few turns there, but it was pretty late, and figured it would be too busy and crowded. It?s been raining quite a bit here, and the first prediction of good weather is this coming Sunday afternoon, we are keeping it open. Will keep you updated.)

- Toby

ideasguy · « **Reply #122 on:** November 07, 2008, 11:25:10 PM »

Hope its favourable Toby. Dont go choppin' Christmas trees now...

bossgard · « **Reply #123 on:** November 10, 2008, 05:12:32 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #89

DAISY: 1. Ubiquitous wild flower with target-shaped blossoms.
2. Popular brand of air rifle used by offspring of gardeners to shoot heads off 1. ? H.B. & R.McK.

(George: Still didn't make Kubota, too wet. As soon as we can get a break in the weather, we will try again. Walked the shopping mall instead. Saw some plants in interior planters, but didn't think I should dig those up, too many people would see us. - Toby)

bossgard · « **Reply #124 on:** November 11, 2008, 04:47:41 PM »

DAFFY DEFINITION #90

CATNIP: Widely planted herb that produces a powerful narcotic effect on cats, probably similar to the effect of cannabis on humans. One pound of the weed typically has an ?alley value? of eight or ten mice. ? H.B. & R.McK.

(?Fuzz? (Fuzzball), my cat, demands his potion of drugs every night. No wonder he lays around all day, and I can?t get any garden work, like digging up weeds or chasing away squirrels and mice, out of him.)

- Toby