Garden funnies

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #99

NUTSHELL: Handy container for abbreviated forms of botanical misinformation. ? H.B. & R.Mck.

(That?s it, like in a ?XXXXXXXX?.)

- Toby

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #100

GYPSY MOTH: An extremely damaging insect pest that, in its caterpillar stage, is a voracious consumer of the leaves of a number of trees. All attempts at controlling it have failed. The only really successful method of dealing with a major infestation is to mix 2 ounces of gin or vodka with a dash of vermouth, place in a covered container with ice and shake vigorously. Drink the mixture. Forget the gypsy moths.

GYPSOPHILIA: Unnatural love of gypsy moths. A very serious perversion.

-- H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #101

PEAT MOSS: Organic substance used to keep soil loose and moist. One of the three things of interest to gardeners that Canada exports. The other two are cold air and black flies. ? H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #102

INSECTICIDES: A new respect for the environment and stricter regulations have taken most of the effective, but destructive, poisons off the shelf and replaced them with more benign, but less potent, compounds. Typical of the new insecticides are Annoyene, which gives some caterpillars a mild itching sensation; Migrene, which gives slugs a headache; and Dorene, Norene, and Charlene, a family of aromatic hydrocarbons based on inexpensive perfumes that have a vague repelling effect on grubs, chiggers, and mites. ? H.B. & McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINTIONS #103

MUSHROOM: Small room where vegetables are stored until they decompose into a pulpy mass suitable for the compost heap. -- H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #104

SEED TAPE: Novelty item sold as a practical joke to gullible gardeners who believe that rolls of adhesive tape are the fruit of a truly remarkable hybrid gum tree that can be grown in the garden. ? H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #105

CACTUS: Millions of years of adaptation to brutal desert conditions have made this family of plants ideal for the lazy gardener, since there is very little for him or her to do between purchasing the plant and discarding it (anywhere from a week to fifty years later), except to knock it over from time to time and break its pot. ? H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #107

LABRYRINTHS, MAZES AND KNOT GARDENS:  Intricate arrangements of shrubs, bushes, and other plants studded with statues and vases were striking highlights in 18-century gardens. Alas, the creation of rigid geometric designs depends on an abundance of low-paid labor, and so in the 20th-century, eye-catching landscape elements simpler to achieve and maintain are preferred, particularly the Tangle, the Brushpile, the Overgrown Tire, and the Lone Cinderblock. ? H.B. & R.McK

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #108   

GRAPE: Uninteresting larval stage of wine. ? H.B. & R.McK.      

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINTION #109      

ARBORETUM: Basically a zoo for plants and trees. Although not as exciting as their counterparts that display members of the animal kingdom, arboretums and botanical gardens are much more easygoing. For example, plant-keepers rarely object if children feed the trees a little potassium, and even the largest and most ill-tempered species can do little more than drop a nut on your head or slough off a dead branch or two into your path. And as for their by-products ? well, no one ever complains about getting oxygen on their shoes. ? H.B. & R.McK.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #110

ARTICHOKE: The only vegetable as troublesome to eat as it is to grow. ? H.B. & R.McK.   

[bossgard]

(We are expecting VERY COLD weather for this week-end coming south from British Columbia, with a threat of SNOW and temperatures of 20 degrees F. That?s 12 degrees below freezing. Have got to go check my outside faucets, etc. ? Toby)

DAFFY DEFINTION #111

GOLDENROD:   Very showy wild flower, but ?GA? - unfortunately it is ?GA?- a major ?GA?- cause of sinus allergy ?GA?- ?GA?- among hay fever ?GA?- sufferers.

GOLDENROD POLLEN:   ?ZEBO!?

GAZEBO: Explosive sound produced by hay fever sufferers.

[Kathy & Laurie]

We've had a spate of overnight temperatures down to -6 degrees C the past week, with one day of heavy snowfall.  This quickly cleared the same day, but we're still getting freezing temperatures with overnight frosts.

Lagged our outside taps last month, as soon as we started to get frosty weather.

Our water butt is still full to the brim, and is not freezing over, so we've still got sustainable water supplies to water-in our newly planted bulbs. (When the ground isn't frozen that is.)

Look after yourself when the snow comes Toby, and make sure you have all your essential food supplies in the house to wait it out.

Laurie.

[ideasguy]

Look after your self Toby. Make sure you have food and heat! Hope that cold snap doesnt last too long.

[bossgard]

DAFFY DEFINITION #112

PATH: In most gardens, the shortest distance between two eyesores. ? H.B. & R.McK.   

(My last posting for this topic was around the middle of December, along with a personal note about an approaching storm. Yes, it showed up, and stayed around for quite awhile. Lots of snow for approximately 2 weeks, with drifts in my backyard of 8? to 10?, with a very treacherous under-surface of ice from 2? to 3? thick.  It basically crippled all the area?s transportation. Holiday packages did not get delivered on time, holiday flight travels canceled.

After the snow stopped, rain and warming temperatures came into the area. With the surface water caused by the rain and rise in temperature melting the snow a huge amount of run-off water has caused flooding in rivers, streams, creeks, and storm drains, resulting in extreme damage to people?s homes and business. All major traffic routes were closed, either going East/West or North/South in the State. Which meant no freight traffic to bring food items, etc.  A large amount of avalanches and slides have been reported in the hiking and mountain areas. .

Thank goodness I had ample food in my home to get me through, and that my home is situated on a hill without any problems of it sliding down! Referring to Daffy Definition #112 above, one good thing about the snow, though, it covered up all the eyesores in my garden for awhile.)

- Toby